I had every intention of publishing a product review this week. But I have to stay true to myself and I just wasn’t feeling it. I will post it in the future. However, right now I have something weighing on me heavily. Well, a lot is weighing on me really. Maybe one of my “somethings” is weighing on you too. It stifles the majority of us, we have all felt its awful pressure upon us at some point. And that awful “thing” is JUDGEMENT. We all pass it and we all receive it. This cyclical torture we choose to put ourselves through is really tired. It’s boring, and I am over it. I’m not talking about constructive criticisms either. I am talking about the: “You shouldn’t do this,” “You should do that,” “What you are doing is wrong,” “You are not good enough,” “I don’t approve,” “I have a better way,” “I did it this way,” “So and so does it THIS way,” and “I believe in this.” The indirect judgments are the worst, as are the not so subtle implications. And if you are a parent, my goodness, everyone else suddenly becomes an expert on parenting. Oh, and aren’t we all THE BEST parents before we actually have children of our own?!?
I’m not speaking of one occurrence, or one circumstance in particular. Although, some of my experieces are worse than others that is for certain. Some people in our lives are more hurtful than others, but pain is pain. And some of these people, unfortunately, are loved ones, some are just strangers. Judgement knows no bounds. Something to keep in mind when you want to respond, or so badly want to give it back to your offender, is that jealousy is often disguised as judgement. What I mean by that – and this is applicable to a lot of ugliness you may experience in your lifetime- is that the person who is trying to cause you so much pain is most likely in a world of pain themselves. They are deflecting whatever they are dealing with or trying so very hard NOT to deal with. They are trying to minimize their own issues by inflating what they believe to be yours. They are building themselves up all while marginalizing your existence and attempting to tear you down. They are coping. We are coping.
What I have to say to all of us (myself included), is that you have been on the receiving end of judgment, and you have also bestowed the unwanted and unnecessary acuity. You cannot control others, but you CAN control yourself. So before you pass judgment on someone else, take a step back and evaluate yourself first. Ask these questions. Why does this issue bother me so much in the first place? This answer alone should stop you in your tracks. Why do I feel like I am an authority on the subject? Do I really think this person is seeking my approval? Will any good come from my comments? Will the temporary relief from what is REALLY bothering me provide long term satisfaction? Do I want to push this person away? And do I want to potentially ruin my relationship with this person? I am certain that if we all took a moment to do some self reflecting – get down to the root of our issues, and present them in a less judgmental manner – the end result would be less pain and more understanding.
I often need to remind myself of these few things before I open my mouth. YOUR way is not the right way. YOUR way is not the wrong way. Your way is not the ONLY way. It is simply YOUR way. We are all different, and we have all experienced life differently. We all have different backgrounds, religions, races, genders, marital statuses, political views, social statuses, occupations, etc. More importantly we all have different CIRCUMSTANCES. Don’t be so foolish as to believe that you know everything there is to know about another persons circumstances. You don’t, and you cannot. What you can have is empathy. We could all do with more empathy and less judgement.
After all, the only person who has the right to judge any of us, is our CREATOR.